From Calabasas all the way to King’s Landing, there are two families. Both united in opulent wealth. Both united in monstrous influence. Both two sides of the same coin.
While the two families continue to command our screens, our attention, and our Instagram feed, there’s a rabbit hole that’s still barred off. A rabbit hole we pretend isn’t there. A rabbit hole we’re finally spiraling into together.
It’s time to admit that James Corden was right (I know), and a rude revelation rings true — the Targaryens and the Kardashians are actually the same family. Before you pick up that pitchfork, give me a minute to make my case.
How the Kardashians and Targaryens compare…
Both the Targaryens and the Kardashians know the timeless value of an impenetrable power couple. For the Targaryens, that entails arranging marriages between powerful families to build strong alliances or inheritance claims to the Iron Throne. For the Kardashians, it’s soft-launching new relationships that inform the cultural zeitgeist. Whether it’s Kourtney and Travis declaring last summer as the return of the tattooed boyfriend and glamour girlfriend, or Kim and Kanye dictating what it means to be an “it couple” at the centerfold of fashion, both families understand that sometimes marriage isn’t just about love, but about building something that’s eternally relevant. And it’s a relevance that’s exorbitant through a killer lineage.
While the Targaryens have a, um, unique way of doing things, the Kardashians aren’t necessarily your typical, run-of-the-mill family either. Despite being separated or divorced from their partners, the Kardashians are adamant about keeping the kids coming from the same dad (thanks to embryo transfers and all that science-y jazz), which I 98% get because the kids would be closer in age, and you know, there’s less trauma. But also, why? Why would you want to have a new kid with your ex? Why can’t you just wait a little bit? Freeze an egg? Why do they have to be the same recipe, if you know what I mean?
Because they’re not just Kim Kardashian’s kids, they’re also Kanye West’s. Kim even inadvertently said it herself in an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians where she admitted, “When I got pregnant with North, I had no idea if Kanye and I were going to end up together. I was like, ‘We can break up, but let me just at least have some sperm so I can have another one, so I could have siblings.'”
New relationships don’t pose as obstacles, with Kim explaining (in the same episode) that despite Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian having their own respective relationships (at that time), “They don’t even have to have sex, it could be IVF… If she’s going to have another baby, why don’t they just have one together, even if they’re not together?”
See? Having a baby with your ex is so chill, Kim said it herself. Now are these men merely sperm donors at this point? That’s entirely up to you to decide, but one thing’s for sure: Regardless of the reason they boast, the Kardashians have an exclusive pool of baby daddies they keep coming back to, and having babies with your famous ex is a surefire way of keeping a legacy going. Sound familiar?
Babies and boyfriends aside, the Targaryens and the Kardashians are also peak “do it for the family” vibes, with the lines between power and family values constantly interweaving. Stripped down, both families are their own versions of royalty and uphold a similar attitude that maintains their stronghold. Their family value is power, and while the Targaryens are a more blatant depiction of powerful royalty, from titles to politics, the Kardashians are arguably the closest thing we have to an American monarchy. Partially because of their wealth, but mainly because of their influence. They aren’t just part of the zeitgeist. They are the zeitgeist.
From constantly commanding the news cycle to declaring the latest trend, the Kardashians know that they’re everywhere, and it isn’t a spontaneous phenomenon; it’s a carefully crafted media ploy, much like the Targaryen’s political scheming, that keeps them at that pedestal. Whether it’s going to extreme lengths to debunk reputation-destroying rumors (at this point Viserys and Kris Jenner have the same PR team), building the right connections to foster even more power (Kimye vs. Rhaenor), or ensuring that their last name isn’t just passed down to anyone (Blac Chyna and Corlys Velaryon have all too much in common), the Kardashians and the Targaryens both know what having power means, what it takes to keep it, and what it takes to validate it. And as we’ve seen across both TMZ headlines and House of the Dragon, there’s no such thing as a boundary crossed when it comes to protecting the family.
Do you believe me? Do you see it now? Do you finally see how these two families operate in almost entirely the same way? They’re both dangerously fascinating amalgamations of what you become in the face of extreme wealth and power. And the cold truth is that, satirical antics aside, the Kardashians would actually blend really well in Westeros. Just look at their ability to pull off silvery blonde locks!
How the Kardashians would fare in Westeros.
Picture it: Kris Jenner as a domineering matriarch reminiscent of Daenerys or Rhaenyra, commanding the Red Keep, attending all Small Council meetings, and plotting gods know what to kill lord-knows-who. She’d be so good at it. Too good at it, I fear. A political minx constantly whispering in the ears of all those who’d listen to incite just the right amount of chaos to keep climbing the ladder she built herself.
Picture all the scandals. We know the Targaryens love a good scandal, a little galavanting in the dark, a few hushed whispers and stolen kisses. Well, so do the Kardashians. And you best believe that Kim (despite probably being betrothed to a king) would be eyeing Daemon the entire time, and it’s so silly of you to assume he wouldn’t be eyeing her back. Chaotic good meets lawful evil? It’s a match made in heaven.
We also can’t forget Kylie and her daughter Stormborn, I mean Stormi, who’d not only be wearing matching gowns, but who’d also have matching dragons to accost for Kylie Air. “Stormborn!” Kylie screams as she rides Vhagar into King’s Landing’s sunset, with her little one close behind, traveling in style for a quick five-minute trip downtown that amounts to 1,682.7 tonnes of carbon emissions, whoops, I meant dragon fire!
It’s just, if there was a grand Venn diagram pinning the Kardashians and the Targaryens against each other, I fear it’d just be one giant circle. The similarities between them are simply too vast. And although some of those similarities naturally stem from thematic motifs that come with being a powerful family, others vary to the strangest minute details like procreation preferences, unnecessarily regal names, and a plague of catchphrases (what is “Okurr” to “Dracarys” if not a twin sister?).
So there you have it. I’m finally done making my case. You may not be entirely convinced, but I’m sure there’s a fraction of you starting to see what I see. In either case, the next time you watch House of the Dragon or The Kardashians, be sure to look in between the lines whenever Kim or Rhaenyra mention marriage, whenever Kris or Viserys deny an accusation, or whenever the families get together for a nice big dinner. They might as well be on the same show.